Blog Posts

Comfortable Confidence

8/16/2022

Vanity runs deep in me. From plucking hairs off my face to choosing clothes that flatter my body, I do care about my appearance. I admit I stare at my reflection and judge myself everyday.
However, my usual daily routine is showering and running to work with wet hair, and no make-up. This is not because I choose to be "fresh faced". I just happen to be hopeless and awkward with glamour.
My attempts at wearing cosmetics to improve my appearance are disastrous. I might as well just walk around with toilet paper attached to my shoe or keep food between my teeth.
I do think appearance enhancement is wonderful. The ability to do it well just escapes me. It has taken me years of embarrassing experiments to accept defeat and come to terms with my inaptitude with beauty products.
So yes, what you see is what you get with me. Wrinkled, porous skin, grey hairs and the rest of it. As I age I am becoming comfortable and confident in my body. Good thing I am my harshest critic.

Here we go again

8/15/2022

Monday morning blues plague me on occasion. Not because I don't want to go into the office. Just the humdrum of life and I want to be miserable.
Coffee may provide the desire to be less miserable but I have learned not to force the issue. Reading inspirational words or seeking gratitude too soon on a Monday morning will only draw me further into the pit of pessimism.
Karen Walker is my spirit animal during this period.
As the shadow of Monday begins to lift away, my smile becomes genuine. I hate people less. Life goes on.

Why do fish jump?

8/12/2022

Fun Friday Fact:
There are many reasons why fish jump!
I always thought it was to eat bugs. Then I remember that sharks jump and probably not to eat bugs.
My favourite reason: fish find jumping fun.

https://kayakreach.com/9-reasons-why-do-fish-jump-out-of-the-water/

My Daily Constitutional

8/11/2022

Working at a desk all day sucks. I feel chained to my computer. For variety, I stand or kneel (on my BOSU) as I work, but it really doesn't provide what I crave ... MOVEMENT!!!!
As a former, full time fitness instructor, my body is painfully reminding me that it is not happy with my new sedentary job. Although my chiropractor has profited from my inactivity.
The worse part is that the longer I sit, the less motivated I am to move!!!! UGH!!! I actually go home exhausted from sitting all day.
You would think all my years of motivating others would have rubbed off on me. Well you would be wrong. Fortunately, my very patient mentor reminded me of the advice I shared with my own former clients, "start with a walk". So I did.
I do live within walking distance from work - 12 minutes. With an hour for lunch, I have plenty of time to walk, eat and return. It reminds me of those early school days when I came home for lunch. So not only am I getting a great walk to break up my day, I feel younger as I enjoy this old routine. Now how do I convince my boss to revive afternoon naps?

Popcorn and Wine

8/10/2022

Twelve years ago, I came across a book that I bought on the merit of its title Red Wine & Popcorn. Written by Laurie Soper, it is about her marketing success. My favourite part of her book was how she would settle in with popcorn and a glass of wine and wait for her marketing seeds to grow. I'm sure her book has great marketing tips, but I purchased her book to support a kindred spirit!

I am what I wanted to be (thank you Meister Eckhart)

8/9/2022

For as long as I remember, I wanted to be a mother just like my mom. Before my first birthday, I began to develop my mothering skills loving dolls. Every where I went, I carried a doll. With each Christmas and Birthday my family of dolls would increase. Each night (to avoid hurt feelings or jealousy between my dolls) I had to tuck in my entire doll collection in bed with me. Role playing mother was a homage to my own amazing mom. She did such an incredible job, I wanted to grow up to be just like her!
I LOVE being a mom. My children are the centre of my universe. Being their mom is amazing!
But now I realize that it was more than being a mom to my own children that I was desiring from life. Reflecting back, the wonderful things that my mom did which attracted me to the position of mother was actually her service to family, friends and community.
Working in recreation was my everything. Leading a fitness class, teaching a skill, adding quality to another person's day is still my favourite! I am what I wanted to be (thank you Meister Eckhart).

The Complexities of Being

8/8/2022

In these past almost 5 decades, I have discovered that even those closest to me don't really know what I am all about. Duh! Of course not! I disguise my true self for dozens of reasons, providing a public persona that is mixed with your preconceived perception of who you think I am. Then of course I have my many "human" moments when my actual feelings do poke through, triggered for yet an other dozen reasons. Surprise! I am not a 2 dimensional character.
The joke is really on me. Despite knowing this about myself - I forget that all the people I encounter are not 2 dimensional either.

Dressing for the Job I Want

8/5/2022

Eleven years ago I decided I wanted to become a fitness instructor. I realized that the best route for me would be to return to aquatics. However at 38, not only was I out of shape, I no longer had any of the qualifications to work in aquatics. I swallowed my pride and repeated all the required training I needed amongst aspiring teenaged lifeguards and swim instructors. Luckily my desire to be a fitness instructor out weighted the horrific reality of training with people whose parents were my age while also wearing a bathing suit.
Sadly, due to the disfunction of my life these last few years, almost all my fitness and aquatic certifications have expired. Best part is I am almost as out of shape as I was eleven years ago. I am presented with two options: A) Remain defeated. Accept the fact that my fitness career is over and age with grace (whatever the hell that means??); or B) Dust off my goggles and swim cap, put my fat ass back into my swim suit and just do it all over again.
Choice A is incredibly tempting but what the hell Choice B it is! So yes, I am going back to the pool. I am going to get fit and gain back my National Lifeguard award, recertify my personal training certification and return to aquatic fitness. Huge hit to my pride starting all over again. Good thing my love for fitness out exceeds my ego.

What is YEAR 50 daily truths?

8/4/2022

The last few years have been difficult for me. Laundry list of sad and hard episodes that had me spiraling downward even before COVID. The pandemic just made sure that all sparks of hope, strength and courage were completely stomped out.
It took all I had to get to work, and drive home at the end of the day.
Winter of 2021 left me exhausted. No energy to even look forward to all my favourite spring and summer activities. I tried to lift my spirits with a rally call out to my Facebook community. Despite the wonderful support, I continued to feel this dark emotional paralysis. Simple everyday activities seemed overwhelming. Any energy I could rally was reserved for work because as I am not independently wealthy, and need the pay cheque.
So there I am, hiding in my dark basement from yet another glorious summer day. Rather than spending the day at the beach SUP boarding, I was wasting time with dreadful thoughts of the fast approaching winter.... when I was struck by the absurdity of my self-inflicted imprisonment. Fortunately, being plagued by depression since I was 15 years old, I have had decades of practice finding ways to claw out of my darkness. Usually ideas I come up with fail me before I can even fully think them out. Luckily, this time I actually had an idea that provided me a guiding light.
YEAR 50 daily truths.
To avoid completely boring you any further, I will cut to the chase. This blog will suck. I am not a writer and I am not witty or insightful. However I am cynical and not above self deprecation. There will be days I will not post anything and days I won't shut up. This will be used as my vehicle to self discovery, and as a platform to publicize my goals in an effort to keep me from further loss of time, money and effort.
Let the amusement begin!

video explanation about YEAR 50 daily truths

YEAR 50 daily truths

8/4/2022

Chosen my visual ID for my new project. Published it and announced it. No turning back now. Bees are swarming in my stomach over this new commitment. Here we go ...

Author

Rather than experience this aging crisis alone ... I am inviting you to join in on the fun! I am on my way to 50 years of age. As I journey towards that 50th birthday, I will share my daily thoughts, triumphs, and disappointments. Don't worry it is not going to be all that good or polished - just honest, raw, and perhaps a bit of a train wreck.
Why share? Good question! In case there is someone out there also struggling with aging and would enjoy a laugh and connection. I assure you there will be no preaching. You will most likely not gain any useful tips - mmmm, maybe on what NOT TO DO.
Enjoy

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